Inspired by this Jung quote, I have had to make
comment on the concept that a dark side is necessary to be ‘complete’. Now,
what I consider a dark side to be is the existence of personality traits that I
dislike about myself… these would be my tendency to obsess, my selfishness and
my laziness/procrastination. It is not that I express these qualities constantly
but I know they’re there and easy to act on. The problem with considering a
comment made by a psychiatrist is that you end up over analysing yourself; that
is not the point of this reflection so I will attempt to refrain from it.
The three shadow areas of my personality mentioned
so far are the most consciously prevalent and as this comment and post has made
me consider them harshly, I will begin a shadow work journal as I attempt to
tackle (or at least mollify) these dislikeable traits. The journal will include
magickal workings that seek to modify my selfish behaviours, lessen my ability
to do practically nothing when there are things to be done, and finally to let
go of the obsessive thoughts (and actions) which circle around one particular
area… my love life. Not only will I log my magickal endeavours to combat my
shadows but also, I will attack physically and mentally.
The laziness has become self-perpetuating and by
doing nothing about it, I make it worse. The shadow work for it started when I
created my blog – making myself research and study subjects that I know
interest me but because there was always something good on TV, I never applied
myself to. I still procrastinate and put things off until something else is
done but what I realised is the thing I was putting off was my life, so things
are now moving and though the shadows are still there they are lightening up.
Obsession has always been a battle for me, it goes
hand-in-hand with addiction – my only addictions are caffeine and nicotine but
those aren’t my problem right now. Every now and then my obsessions get out of
hand. The last time was 18 years ago – over a guy. It faded over the years and
I promised myself to never get that hung up on someone again. Making that kind
of promise to yourself, in your heart, puts up a barrier. It doesn’t stop you
loving, but it stops you loving unconditionally. The barrier is fear of losing
control. Which brings me back to obsession itself, which although may seem like
extreme control, it is in fact extreme lack of control. The reason this is a
current issue for me, is that I am having the obsessive feelings again for
someone I know and though I am now mature enough to not act on them; they are still
there and therein lays the fear.
Thirdly, my selfishness; now I know that everyone
wants there own way and should grow out of tantrums about not getting there own
way at the age of… 16? My selfishness won’t let me not have a tantrum of some
sort… I don’t stamp my feet and scream anymore but I do have moments of
unnecessary and unjustified nastiness. This isn’t always expressed, it can be
just thoughts to myself but as I’ve blogged about before… thoughts are energy
and energy can manifest. My point is that I dislike how much I can bubble with
rage for the wrong reasons, all because I am being blocked from doing something
I would probably regret, but want to do. This can be something really stupid –
my mother asking me to wash the dishes; now generally I don’t have a problem
with this but if I’m feeling particularly selfish, I will go ape over being
asked to clean up a mess that isn’t mine, to be treated like her slave, to have
precious time taken from my life to do something for her. It’s a ridiculous
amount of bullshit that comes out of me when I’m in one of these moods and I
dislike this part of myself so it has made my Top 3 personality traits I wish
to banish… with time.
Well, there is my dark side… in a nut shell. It’s
not mind-blowing confessions of dark acts and deeds; it’s not suicidal or homicidal
tendencies; it’s not satanic rituals and sacrifice. What it is, is an
acceptance that I’m not perfect, I have bad days, I have sinful thoughts and I
have volcanic mood swings – none of this makes me a bad person, it makes me
human. Everybody has things they dislike about themselves, maybe worse than
mine, maybe not but no one can escape it. And so I agree with Dr. Jung and his
concept of ones dark side being part of the whole because although I dislike
these parts of myself that I have outlined, and battle to overcome them,
sometimes I think… ‘well, that’s just me’ and indulge in my lazy, selfish and
obsessive self.
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