Everybody wants to be validated; to be patted on
the back or to hear ‘Good job!’ It makes us feel approved of. When this happens
without it being sought out, there is also a feeling of acceptance and recognition…
who wouldn't want that? I myself have fell victim to doing certain things in order to gain someone’s respect, and at other times, I have gained their
respect for simply being myself and letting them make up their own mind. Which
one do you think felt better? That’s right… being respected and approved of for
being myself. This does not mean I have the ‘Screw anyone who doesn't like me’
attitude; it just means that I do not waste my time worrying why someone would
put so much effort into disliking me.
Approval of others can be based on many things: if
someone lives up to values that you hold; if they do something special for
humanity or the planet; these are the larger bringers of respect but it could
be as simple as someone who is willing to put themselves out to make you a
coffee or put their arm around you when you’re a little low. People interact
with each other every day and whether those interactions are friendly, funny,
unusual, tense, passionate… being yourself in those interactions will keep you
grounded and whether you are judged or accepted by others on those interaction
you know you are being honest with yourself. The approval and validation which
will then always ensue from these interactions will also be from you.
The idea of self-validation ties in nicely with the
practice of affirmations. Knowing who you are and what you stand for makes
affirming what you want to achieve an empowering process. Accepting yourself
when you stand in front of a mirror and say ‘this is what I want from my life’
will make it much easier to achieve the goals you affirm. My personal
affirmations tend to fall into the ‘be more creative’ category and because I
know and trust myself to follow through on actively making these things happen,
I am confident in the power of affirmation. The approval I have always really
sought was my own – it is a part of why I found a pagan path, because there is
no other path which embraces self-discovery, freedom of expression and
self-approval so much as a pagan one.
I had not intended this reflection to become about
self-approval but because I practice self-approval I am okay with it having
turned out like that. Much of what I write comes from my spirit guides and I
approve of them too – lol! However, I would like to return to seeking approval
from others as this article begins to conclude and say that on the pagan path
which I walk, I have not always received approval, even from family. For a long
time my own mother was very ignorant of my beliefs which was hurtful and
limiting to my practice but with time, she came to find her own spiritual path –
as a medium of all things – and now we have a very connected spiritual
understanding of each other. She still drives me nuts about other things but I
accept her how she is and vice versa. This makes for a much higher number of
nice moments, and a fewer arguments.
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